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Love is not love
sex is not sex
Relationships can be
far too complex


Talking To Your Teen

My parents were divorced when I approached the threshold of sexual maturity.  I wasn't really sure why my body was having all the strange feelings and wanting to be touched in a way my mother would have considered to be dirty.  Oh the messages she would give as I grew older.  I can still remember her saying that if you or someone touch your privates you would become sick.  If you let a man do things to you, you will die.  It scared me but it didn't stop me 

We are animals.  Very few people go through life without some form of sexual awareness.  Our urges are natural and we really shouldn't send a message to our teens that it's dirty, weird or wrong.  We need our children to go into the world with a healthy outlook on sex.  Letting them know that it's okay to gratify themselves would be the first step towards removing barriers.  A parent should encourage behaviors that promote safety as well as independence. Letting your child know that he or she does not require a sexual partner for satisfaction will help to eliminate countless sexual encounters with partners that are only in it for their own sexual pleasure.   

Every opportunity is a good opportunity to talk to your child.  If your child talks to you about their friends dating people that might not be suitable, seize the moment.  If you are driving down the road with your child and you witness a lovers physical quarrel, take advantage and start talking about why people get into unhealthy relationships  

Knowing what to say is very difficult as every teen is different.  Don't use a generic version of the "sex talk" with your kids.  You want to express your concerns without violating boundaries or freaking them out with the nitty gritty of sex.  Here is some suggestions that you might find helpful when your child is ready for the talk:
  •   I can still remember being your age.  Things were so different back then and my parents had a much different outlook on life. It seems like we are overdue for one of those grown up talks.  I don't want to feed you the same stuff my parents fed me so let's be open.  I want you to know that your body is your body.  You don't need a partner in order to find pleasure, if you know what I mean. If you want I, would be willing to help you purchase healthy devices online so you can fulfill your needs safely without disease.  
Or
  •  The other day I was  surfing around and I realized just how grown up you are.  The days of old are long gone and your needs have changed.  I'm very worried about things that are out there.  There are so many diseases, violence and controlling people.  I don't want to see anything bad happen to you.  I believe in self gratification and there are different ways to achieve that.   If you don't mind I would like to send you a link in your e-mail to a site with things that might interest you.  You can do this on your own in private but if you ever need to talk to someone, I am always there for you.  
Or
  • Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend yet?  Dating is fun and I have no problems with you dating.  On that note, I do have a problem with you having sex.  There are so many diseases out there and they can be deadly.  I love you very much and I know that I can't stop you from having sex but I can suggest you refrain from having sex with a partner.  There are so many toys out there and they are safe.  With toys there is no chance of pregnancy, no disease and no one ever has to know.  You can buy it in person or online. I'm only suggesting this because I care about you.   
  It is important that you as a parent takes the time to talk to your child.  Don't leave it in the hands of other teens, people with ulterior motives or people with different morals than you.  It is your children and you have to be proactive in order to protect them.  Even if you don't believe in self gratification you still need to talk to your teen about sex.  Remember, keep it simple

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Tina
                          on the beach